- Keep doing tasks that are not part of the sprint backlog.
- Hide your impediments. They will for sure vanish on their own.
- Don’t talk to the PO during the sprint. Never.
- Ignore the definition of DONE when finishing your tasks and backlog items.
- Stand in front of the sprint backlog and say “I’ve nothing to do” or “None of the tasks are for me” (even better if 90% of the tasks are still open).
- Prepare for the Sprint Review 5 minutes before it starts.
- Don’t split your tasks into smaller ones even if you know they will take the whole sprint.
- Be late, always.
- Ask the ScrumMaster continuously which task you should do next.
- Disturb any scrum meeting by starting multiple additional discussions on different topics.
Here are the slides if you like to present it to your team 😉
Finally here is the video of my first lightning talk ever at the Agile Central Europe in Krakow, Poland, where I talked about these things. Have fun
I know this list is incomplete and so I’m waiting eagerly for your comments what drives you crazy.