- Keep doing tasks that are not part of the sprint backlog.
- Hide your impediments. They will for sure vanish on their own.
- Don’t talk to the PO during the sprint. Never.
- Ignore the definition of DONE when finishing your tasks and backlog items.
- Stand in front of the sprint backlog and say “I’ve nothing to do” or “None of the tasks are for me” (even better if 90% of the tasks are still open).
- Prepare for the Sprint Review 5 minutes before it starts.
- Don’t split your tasks into smaller ones even if you know they will take the whole sprint.
- Be late, always.
- Ask the ScrumMaster continuously which task you should do next.
- Disturb any scrum meeting by starting multiple additional discussions on different topics.
Here are the slides if you like to present it to your team
Finally here is the video of my first lightning talk ever at the Agile Central Europe in Krakow, Poland, where I talked about these things. Have fun
I know this list is incomplete and so I’m waiting eagerly for your comments what drives you crazy.